In a park, there are two statues--a man and a woman--who have stood facing each other on either side of the thoroughfare, for centuries.

One day, an angel appeared, and said, "You have brought so much joy to so many. I will reward you by giving you both life for thirty minutes, so you can do whatever you've always wanted to do."

The two statues stretched their arms, ran to each other, and immediately darted behind some bushes together. The angel folded his arms and smiled, as the sound of giggling and rustling leaves began to stir.

When the statues emerged from behind the bushes, flushed and grinning, the angel said, "You still have another fifteen minutes."

The woman looked at the other statue with a glint in her eye. "Do you want to do it again?" She asked.

"Yeah!" The male statue excitedly replied, "But this time you hold down the pigeons, and I'LL shit on their heads!"

A distinguished young woman on a flight from Switzerland asked the Priest beside her, “Father, may I ask a favor?”

“Of course. What can I do for you?”

“Well, I bought an expensive woman’s electronic hairdryer for my mother’s birthday that is unopened and well over the Customs limits, and I’m afraid they’ll confiscate it. Is there any way you could carry it through Customs for me? Under your robes perhaps?”

“I would love to help you, dear, but I must warn you: I will not lie.”

“With your honest face, Father, no one will question you.”

When they got to Customs, she let the priest go ahead of her.

The official asked, “Father, do you have anything to declare?”

“From the top of my head down to my waist, I have nothing to declare.”

The official thought this answer strange, and therefore asked, “And what do you have to declare from your waist to the floor?”

“I have a marvelous instrument designed to be used on a woman, but which is, to date, unused.”

Roaring with laughter, the official said, “Go ahead, Father.”